I have never needed so much help in my life.

I have never needed so much help in my life.

Mommy holding twins – this is REALITY. (Photo shot by my mother-in-law).

Everyday I run a MARATHON and I never get to rest and recuperate. EVER. Not for 55 days now have I slept for longer than 3-1/2 hours. Not only is your body completely overtaken by the babies while pregnant with twins, it remains on full-time duty while making milk and caring for the twins.

37 Weeks – the morning of my C-Section

One hour before my c-section – so nervous!

Sleep deprivation, constant pumping (I’m up to 48 ounces a day), juggling ten things at once, makes daily life a ridiculous blur and can have side effects. Like waking in the middle of the night thinking you’ve forgotten to pump and there’s no bottles. Thinking you fell asleep holding a baby and dropped him and can’t find him (yes, I actually had that dream and woke my mother-in-law who was sleeping beside me while I was frantically searching for the baby I thought I had dropped).

Also known as “Liquid Gold!”

Bottles – color-coded for different ounces and times of day for different baby. This marked the move from 2 ounce bottles to 4 ounce bottles. They are only 7 weeks old. 48 ounces a day I pump.

Trying to eat on the go but never succeeding as your oatmeal is cold and lumpy and sitting in the same spot at lunch as you breeze through neither eating your oatmeal or the sandwich made for you by your help. The thought of keeping the household in some kind of working order is impossible, although it’s occurring. I haven’t been upstairs to my room at all. My toddler is growing out of clothes, my husband has made our room his bachelor pad, the twins’ nursery is overrun with gifts and clothes that need to be put away. The kitchen has things put in all different places. My poor mom and my poor mother-in-law are thrown in week after week with the daunting task of helping me where I need help which is COMPLETELY overwhelming because within one hour, everything has gone to shit. I’m sleeping with my help in the spare room downstairs and trying to recover completely from my c-section, washing my incision has been neglected, I’m still sore and my hair and fingernails are just on hold. It’s difficult but a reality watching your toddler who can’t talk yet stumble around throwing things, refusing to eat and trying to hit the babies any chance she gets from pure jealousy. Dealing with hundreds of diapers and changing sessions, loads and loads of laundry, the same pile of bottles that need to be washed all night and day long, emptying completely full diaper Genies daily (YES, DAILY), watching my husband’s face when he leaves in the morning and he sees that I’ve been up all night, seeing his face when he gets home from a 12 hour work day and commute downtown and I’m still in the same clothes and holding the same crying baby, trying to prepare a fast and easy dinner in the slow cooker so everyone can eat something for dinner at sometime in the evening.

The never-ending pile of bottles and bottle systems…

The white board that saves my sanity. Tracks the kids’ days. I take a picture of it everyday with my phone for a record. A necessity when more than one person is caring for babies.

Mattelyn at 22 months helping to feed the twins. It’s met with mixed feelings for sure.

Watching fully-revived, recharged help walk through our door and 48 hours later recognizing the same zombielike look of hopelessness on their faces is agonizing. I am constantly hungry, thirsty, tired, confused, crabby, happy then sad and all those feelings never are met with resolve. I need to eat and drink and pump more to increase my milk supply to keep up with their growth but there aren’t enough hours in a day. My house is being partially run by either my mom or my mother in law, me and my husband and occasionally with help from both grandpas. I feel sorry for ALL of them and will never be able to fully thank them enough for putting their lives literally on hold to help with our chaos.

Bottle-feeding pumped breast milk.

On January 7th, I told my husband I had to shower because I hadn’t since New Years Day. I then wondered how long it had been in past weeks when I didn’t have such a memorable date to commemorate my lack of showering?? I brush my teeth and change my clothes (sometimes) and then I’m off and running for the day – making decisions about my three children’s lives every minute of everyday with no time to think about it. Providing equal amounts of love and hugs and support all based on instinct and a mother’s intuition; making choices with a severe lack of cognition, running on empty, with pure adrenaline and post-partum hormones raging – trying not to lose it. Remembering birthdays of friends and remaining a part of everyone’s lives is exhausting but important to me. I’m thankful for the ability to share on Facebook and through blogging. This is BY FAR the hardest job of my entire life and the most important and rewarding. Grabbing a photo when I can, writing things down in my blog so as to capture SOME of this first year, learning to be ambidextrous, my iPhone and my white board are my tools for success or survival for me.

4 weeks

4 weeks

6 weeks

I feel so blessed and wanted to share the reality of what this really is like. And I have so much more to say!!! My hats are off to all of my friends that are mothers to multiples and have done this!!! You are each amazing. And to all of you moms-to-be – you’ve got this!!!!

I leave you with a quick list. Take care, God bless all of you in your individual lives right now. Would love to hear about your adventures – please share in comments!!!

Things not to ask or say to a mother of twins by day 55 (joking!):

1. How was your night?

2. Isn’t it time you pumped?

3. What is Mattelyn having for dinner tonight?

4. Does Mikki need to go outside?

5. Did you make the doctor’s appointment yet?

6. When should we start dinner?

7. Should Mattelyn be playing with that lotion bottle?

8. When you take a shower, don’t be too long.

9. I don’t know what time I fed the baby last.

10. Which baby do I have?

11. Do you want to go outside for a while?

12. Why don’t you take a minute to yourself?

13. Maybe all of this can get done tomorrow?

14. When was the kitchen vacuumed last?

15. Where’s (fill in the blank)?

16. Are you sure you have time to take pictures?

17. “If I were you I’d…”

18. Don’t you need to be making bottles?

19. “I’m going to grab a few beers with the guys after work.”

20. “Did you make the store list for the week?”

21. “I am so tired.”

XO ~ Very blessed!!!

Stephanie

Holding one twin – Carson. A definite rarity.

We go through 196 – 245 diapers a week just for the twins…

I slept an hour and a half last night!

And I feel AMAZING! In literally 36 days, I haven’t slept a consecutive hour and a half during the night. Neither has my mom who has stayed with me since their C-section birth, (where she stayed with me in the hospital for four days while I INSISTED on breast feeding EVERY SINGLE FEEDING of the day AND night to be sure I established latching for both babies, every two hours). And last night, after a month now, I feel like we MAY have crossed a much needed goal line. Because after that hour and a half, I woke up, in complete disbelief, fed a baby, burped him, rocked him back to sleep, washed all of the dirty bottles and nipples and my breast pump attachments from the night feedings, cleaned the dishes left in the sink from the night before, folded laundry from their room left on the chair in the living room and kissed my husband good bye by 5am. All before passing my mom in the hall who had another baby ready for his bottle. Why? Because I felt like a ROCK STAR. And my mom agreed, she did too. Then we went on to have the discussion that maybe, JUST MAYBE, we might each get to have an additional hour if we staggered the next two feedings BEFORE my 22 month old daughter Mattelyn wakes up. MAYBE…

Mattelyn 22 month old big sister

This past month has been CRAZY. I intended to write about a TYPICAL night in the first two weeks of having twins. I AM going to do it because it is so important for others to read! If you can garner ANYTHING from what I have learned, finding the time/making the time to write this is ALL WORTH IT (as I sit at 3:30am pumping and typing)!! I have had so many surprises and I have learned SO MUCH that I didn’t know. And for all of you that know me personally and for those of you who’ve gotten to know me better through my blog, you know I am a planner and I like to know what to expect and be PREPARED. No such luck at all.

There wasn’t enough preparing for the twins. There was just so much that no one told me, that couldn’t be planned for, that the doctors didn’t tell me, that I didn’t read about – and I read 8 books…not counting Websites and blogs…

I can’t believe it’s been ONE FULL MONTH since they arrived. I am still in disbelief daily that they are mine. And Christmas?? New Year’s 2015?? When did all of that happen? I know I didn’t sleep through it and yet it’s all over. I think I have gotten maybe 20 hours of sleep in 36 days. I sleep about an hour a night (maybe? intermittently with one eye open the whole time).

Newborn photo shoot 8 days old. Tracy Joy Photography, NW Chicago Suburban Newborn Photographer.

I love this pic I snapped of them in their Christmas stockings!

But first and foremost, THEY ARE HEALTHY AND THRIVING BABY BOYS – thank the Lord and we are so very blessed to be able to say this.

They were born at 37 weeks (full-term for Twins) on December 4th, 2014. They passed their APGAR tests both with all 9’s. Perfectly healthy and no one had to go to the NICU. BLESSED.

Maxton William – Twin A – born 5lbs. 9oz. NOW weighs 7lbs. 9oz.

Maxton William

Carson Armin – Twin B – born 5lbs. 4oz. NOW weighs 6lbs. 15oz.

Carson Armin

They are officially off their Apnea monitors (monitoring their breathing and heart rates) and have passed all of their first month growth goals (and surpassed them with weight gain!) Their pediatrician has been thrilled with their weight gain and with the fact that they are breast fed. One baby has been diagnosed with colic and one baby has been diagnosed with acid reflux – if you know anything about either, both SUCK! Mattelyn didn’t have either so I wasn’t aware of what to do about either circumstance. Add that to premature manisfestations, and you’ve got yourself a handful.

Apnea monitors

Instead of writing about everything in detail that I WANT to write about, I thought I would share what I DIDN’T know or learn from books or friends or family or doctors PRIOR to having the twins. Things that I DEFINITELY know now and want to share and pass along to others! Each of these things have a STORY that eventually I would like to blog about to bring awareness. In the meantime, here are my thoughts and learnings.

Got Twins??

Things I didn’t know, things I couldn’t live without and products that were life savers in this first crazy month of their lives…

• We go through 196 – 245 diapers a week just for the twins – not including our toddler that isn’t two or potty trained yet. At least 12 diaper changes a day not counting extras that are peed on and pooped on as soon as you change them. Times two! That’s 28-35 per day not including tummy aches.
• Onesies – these newborns need to have an additional layer under their sleepers to cover their core because they can’t regulate their own body temperature yet. These are essential for newborn winter babies especially.
• Preemie flow nipples – bottle feeding pumped breast milk in the beginning because the boys were too small and/or weak to nurse – they had to work too hard and would fall asleep before getting full. We needed them to gain that weight in the first two weeks.
• Swaddle me sleep pods – SO IMPORTANT! These made their sleeping increase by at least an hour. I will write a post SOON about the two we used in this first month so far already. They are expensive so understanding the size was key for me. My boys were little and the sizes are way different than the packaging indicated. Before you spend $50.00 on two, read my recommendation.
  

  SwaddleMe Sleep Sacs

• Palmolive baby bottle, toy and dish soap and Babyganics foaming dish and bottle soap. We wash bottles and nipples times two, 12 times a day. Make someone a designated bottle cleaner if you can.
  

  The Bottle “Grass”

  

  A full-time job

• Really good lotion for washed, dry, cracked hands
• Room darkening blinds or curtains for longer naptimes
• About 5 sleepers and onesies a day per baby. And changing pad covers and burp rags and bibs and sleep swaddles and receiving blankets…Tons of laundry boys pee on everything.
• Different weight receiving blankets and different sizes – make a big difference for swaddling and covering
• Car seat covers – so important!
• Nursing cover for guests/visitors
  

  The Udder Cover nursing cover-up

• Large display clocks for all rooms that you and your help are between at night and during the day – WRITE EVERY FEEDING DOWN ASAP. If you do nothing else, do this!!!
• Simethicone drops (gas relief for babies)
  

  Simethicone Drops

• Samsung baby monitor – this literally saved Maxton’s life in the first week
• Especially for winter babies, diaper wipe warmer
• American Red Cross baby scale for weighing daily in the beginning, then weekly for growth goals and then for breastfeeding counting ounces producing and eating
• Pack and play sleeper crib for sleep – Twin Sleeper? Pros and cons
  

  Co-sleeping

• Pack and play crib for changing
• TwinZ pillow for napping and feeding
  

  TwinZ Pillow for breastfeeding and more!

• Sound machine
• Large dry erase board to keep track of their day/night feeding schedule so everyone involved knows where you’re at with feedings

• 

  Dry erase board

• Double stroller that fits car seats for dr appointments especially with their apnea monitors that they are in the winter
• Soothies pacifiers – the ones you get in the hospital are perfect because you can insert your finger into the front of the pacifier and let them clamp down on your finger massaging their gums and helping to soothe them. I love these pacifiers and have gotten a lot of use.
• Diaper genie – two – one for each room changing occurs in. They fill SO QUICKLY and I even put soiled diapers in the garage.
• A smart phone has been key for me. The same way I used it at work for scheduling, planning, note taking, photos, email and texting, I use it now.
• “Notes” on iPhone or the “Evernote app” for jotting down notes you need throughout the day – which you will all day long. Also for store lists, weight reminders, on-going questions for your next dr. visit, last breast pump, etc.
• Make sure your significant other or helper knows to take notes while at dr appointments and also puts next appointment in phone because you will be taking care of babies and you will look at each other a week later and say, “Now, when was their next appointment??”

IMPORTANT things to bookmark in newborn books and Websites:

• Read up on how to perform CPR on a newborn and what to do when a newborn is choking
• Nursing/breastfeeding/pumping
• Fevers
• Premature baby manifestations – including small esophagus, esophagus spasms, premature tear ducts, clogging and eyes matted shut, shallow breathing, apnea monitors, baby acne, etc.
• Car seat testing in hospital for babies born under 6lbs – it takes 90 minutes and HAS TO BE DONE before you can leave the hospital
• Colic and a colicky baby
• Acid reflux symptoms and what to look for
• 37 weeks is full-term for twins, but still premature babies – for twins that don’t end up in the NICU – what they don’t tell you (I never found this information)
• Baby acne in the first month due to mom’s hormones after birth
• How to increase milk supply
• The mathematical formula for figuring out how much milk is needed per feeding based on babies weight – this is INSANELY USEFUL and I used it with Mattelyn and have now used it over and over again for the babies – Take the baby’s weight, multiply by 2.5 and divide by the number of feedings in the day. For instance, if they are 5lbs, multiply by 2.5 =12.5 divided by number of feedings (either 8 or 12 depending on every 3 hours or every 2 hours). So for a 5lb baby eating every 2 hours or 12 times a day, they would take 1oz (1.0416).
• Cluster feeding
• Communication with your help