37 Weeks I Have Held My Breath….

Gifts PreTwins 2

“Many things we need can wait. The child cannot. Now is the time his bones are formed, his mind developed. To him we cannot say tomorrow, his name is today.”

– Gabriela Mistral

I can’t believe I am literally in the home stretch – I have 3 more days and we will finally meet the twins. It’s hard to believe we will enter the hospital a family of THREE and leave a family of FIVE. This week has been SO DIFFERENT physically for me compared to just this time last week. Everything is sore and I just don’t feel good, AT ALL. I have definitely gained more weight and there is some crazy burning sensation going on between my legs and on the skin of my tummy. And overall, I can’t breathe well. Or walk well. But the time is here and I have nothing to complain about because I have made it to 37 weeks – full-term for twins.

In 2012 researchers from Adelaide University concluded that thirty-seven weeks was the ideal gestation for twins, citing that babies born after that point faced increased risk of slowed growth, resulting in low birth weight and other potential health complications.”

I have worried about making it to this point since Labor Day weekend. I was originally told when I first found out I was pregnant that by 26 weeks, I could potentially be put on bed rest. I held my breath every day, I prayed to God several times a day, I worried all day, every day and spent all of my extra time moving into a new house, trying to make it a home. I tried to savor this being my last pregnancy – through 28 weeks of all day morning sickness, not being able to sleep or eat, contractions since around 30 weeks, struggling to still take my daughter Mattelyn on walks and to sit and play on the floor with her. I have beat myself up with guilt since the day we found out we were blessed with twins because Mattelyn will still be a baby at only 20 months old. Her little world is about to change so much and we have no way of preparing her for it or explaining that it is about to change, anymore than we have tried to. Poor baby girl. I have to continue to remind myself that we wanted her to have a sibling so she will always have someone that is her immediate family in life. We hope and pray they will remain close throughout life and friends. My husband doesn’t get sentimental or emotional like I do. But I have seen small glimpses of excitement in him. It took almost the whole pregnancy to see it, but it’s there. Our friends and family have been so very supportive and as of right now, we move forward and this will all be in God’s hands soon.

I am worried about the birth day and worried about my daughter’s reaction and worried about the babies health. How am I going to be on Thursday when it all comes down to that moment? When we leave the house early in the morning and I kiss Mattelyn goodbye and tell my mom and dad I love them. When we drive the 40 minutes to the hospital and my heart is in my throat and my stomach in knots. I will be looking out the window like I have since I was a child, staring into the sky wondering about what this day is about to behold, seeing my reflection in the glass, recognizing the really worried face. I will go over every scenario that might happen or could happen or that I have read has happened when twins are delivered via c-section. I will hold my breath waiting to hear not one, but two cries. I will hold my breath then again while I wait very impatiently to hear that they look good, that there are no problems and that they passed their APGAR tests with the same flying colors they’ve been passing all of their NSTs.

When we arrive, Matt will put his arm around me and we will walk to labor and delivery. I doubt we’ll say much and he won’t likely ask how I’m feeling because he will know. I bet his stomach will be a little queasy, he’s got a lot on the line walking into that hospital. But the time is here. I have been pregnant for 255 days and I can’t imagine much longer. I know I will be in complete awe when I see both of them. It is still difficult to fathom there are two inside me and that they are okay and there is nothing wrong. I had to write this down, share it with you and try to go to sleep. Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year, and this year, it’s about to become my most favorite time of the year for a whole new reason. To say I feel blessed is an understatement, to say I feel lucky makes me worry I will jinx something. So I will just say that they are ready based on their kicks and stretches and hiccups. And so am I.

This is my maternity photo shoot with my daughter Mattelyn when she was 17 months old and I was 22 weeks pregnant. I wanted to celebrate the time I had with her one-on-one and the fact that she is who made me a mommy, while also celebrating the twin pregnancy.

This is my maternity photo shoot with my daughter Mattelyn when she was 17 months old and I was 22 weeks pregnant. I wanted to celebrate the time I had with her one-on-one and the fact that she is who made me a mommy, while also celebrating the twin pregnancy. This is my dedication to being pregnant, becoming a mommy, to my daughter Mattelyn and to my new babies. I want her to look back on this photo and know that being a woman and giving birth and life to another human being is a wonderful thing to be celebrated. And I want all three of my babies to know how very much I loved carrying them with me.

Lighthouse Beach, Evanston, IL ~  Just outside of Chicago. Liz Franco Photography, Chicago Fine Art Portrait Photographer. Toddler and Maternity dresses by Abby Bella Couture.

Lighthouse Beach, Evanston, IL ~ Just outside of Chicago. Liz Franco Photography, Chicago Fine Art Portrait Photographer. Toddler and Maternity dresses by Abby Bella Couture.

XO ~ Stephanie

4 thoughts on “37 Weeks I Have Held My Breath….

  1. Beautiful words and emotions, Stephanie!  I love you and will be praying for you and the twins on Thursday. Love, Aunt Linda

  2. And I’m bawling. Thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly and openly. I am so happy for your little family. I know it is scary. I know it seems to good to be true. But there is no need to worry (said one worrier to the other…lol) – God’s got this one! And as for Mattelyn, you are changing her life in the most amazing way you can. She is almost two and she is very smart. She gets it. And will always get it. And will always be thankful for the best gift you could ever have given her. (Even when they are screaming at each other and fighting over toys.) You are a phenomenal mom and one of the most amazing people I know. You deserve all of this happiness. Enjoy. And post pics ASAP!!! 😉

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